/ Personal

I Told Mark Zuckerberg Not To Build That Wall On Kauai

A few years ago, I was talking to Zucks, telling him how much I liked living on Kauai. What a mistake that turned out to be. How did I know that the copycat would turn around and move to Kauai.

So Zucks buys this lavish property (which between you and me, he overpaid) and starts to put up a wall. Big mistake. I've been leaving on Kauai for years, even before Facebook existed. And the people on Kauai just want us haoles to fit in. Live among the locals. Be one with the aina. Walls on Kauai? Are you kidding me?

When I built my mountaintop estate, I made sure that the house blended in with the environment. I regularly hold luaus for my ohana. The community loves me, and I love them. Keep out the people? I want them with me.

I laughed when I saw the walls he was building. I said, "Zucks, what're you doing? I thought Facebook was a little more advanced." Turns out his staff are a bunch of losers.

What do I need walls for? With the amount of data Sympile gathers, I'd know if someone wants to bother me before they even they did. And in the ten years I've lived on Kauai, it has never happened. Okay, there was that one time when I dropped in on this guy riding a monster wave. But me and cuz straightened it out. Real fast.

Anyway, it's just getting too crowded on the north shore. Too many mainland people coming and ruining it for us locals.

Maybe it's time to move to Lanai. I wonder how much Larry will take for the island.